This time last year, I was driving my car in the wrong direction. I had Jesus in the passenger seat, but I had the wheel gripped tight, and the gas pedal pushed to the ground. I trusted Him to "guide" me from the passenger seat as long as I got to keep both hands on the wheel. I treated Him like a GPS. I would listen to His voice as long as I agreed with it, but if I felt like He was about to take me down a back road where the road might be a little bumpy, I'd swerve back onto the main road until I felt Him saying "re-routing."
God even allowed Satan to grab the wheel that I was gripping so tight and throw my "car" (life) into a tailspin with the complete and total heartbreak that last summer brought about, but white-knuckled I held on. I pulled out of the ditch, and back onto the road. I still would not let go of the wheel.
At my deepest darkest point, I asked Jesus to move to the back seat, and I replaced Him with a different passenger. I listened to the words of this passenger, the same one that Satan used in the tailspin, and I continually pushed Jesus away for being a "back seat driver."
Until God grabbed me in February and brought me face-to-face with the reality that I was living, I was in control of my life. When I was 12, I let Jesus into the passenger seat, but I never let Him drive until February. In February, I attended a women's conference at Emmanuel led by Alicia Williamson Garcia. She spoke about what it meant to truly live a Christ-centered life in this culture. This rocked my world. As she spoke, through the Holy Spirit, God put His hand on my shoulder, begging me to take my hands off the wheel. On Friday night, I loosened my grip. On Saturday, I broke free. I raised my hands into the air (figuratively and literally) in full surrender. Jesus moved into the driver's seat. This is not to say that I haven't tried to be a passenger driver quite often, and, especially not to say that I haven't reached over and jerked the wheel a few times hoping to avoid some pot holes along the way, but what I've come to see is that what the enemy meant for harm at this point last year as my divorce was finalized, God has used to bring about healing of wounds that I didn't know that I had. What the enemy meant for evil, God has used to mold me from a carnal woman to a spiritual woman. What the enemy meant for evil, God has used to show me that His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). He brought beauty from the ashes. He showed me the true meaning of grace.
As crazy as this may seem, this wasn't the crazy part. As I turned around to head back to Oxford after driving halfway to Tupelo (yes, I did...), it hit me like a flood. When faced with a situation like this a few years ago, I would have been angry, frustrated, and upset. Today... I was excited. I was excited that I could open my sunroof, feel the fall air, and just cruise for a little bit longer. Again, I probably sound like a crazy person when saying this, but this realization is huge. Today was a beautiful day, and I'm not just talking about the weather. I'm talking about life.
I. AM. HAPPY.
I can't even begin to tell you how long it has been since those words came out of my mouth.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 ESV
