From the broken to the broken..

So, I recently read a wonderful blog post challenging Christians to "Limp out loud" to share their struggles even in the church (gasp!) so that we could bear each other's burdens and lift each other up. Well, God has put this post on my heart for a while now, but I was afraid to put it out there. Divorce is an ugly subject. No one likes to talk about it. Especially not in a church. Everyone wants to pretend that it doesn't happen.  So often we go to church on Sunday's and we wear our masks of contentment, "joy", and happiness. And these masks might even be worn all day on Sunday, but when Monday morning hits, we are faced with the struggles all over again. So, God challenged me to take off the mask and limp out loud. And He did it in a way that I didn't expect. I felt called to share my testimony of the past year and all that God has taught me with a friend going through a divorce, so I did. As I was typing however, God spoke over me that He was not just calling me to a secret chat message but rather to share it on a broader scale for those who might be suffering in the silence.

So, here you go, from one broken vessel to another:

First, I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. I know firsthand that when time has passed and the people around you seem to forget about it is when it starts to hurt the most. Divorce is devastating. It is the single most heart-breaking thing that I've ever experienced. Your life is ripped out from under you and you're left to pick up the pieces. I know that you know this, but let me tell you some things that you may not know or that you might need to be reminded of. 

1) God is still sovereign. 

I struggled with the pain and the asking why. I didn't understand how something as ugly as divorce could have been part of God's plan. Until now. I don't think God caused it to happen. My selfishness did that. But I do think that God allowed it to happen because it totally changed me. It kicked me into a downward spiral to where I was left with only Jesus. It took all of that for me to finally understand the next point. 

2) Christ is enough. 

Christ is, always was, and always has been enough. When I was left with absolutely nothing else and I was wallowing in the pit, Christ was still extending His hand to me to pull me from the pit. He is enough for every second of every day. You could lose everything this world has to offer, and Christ would still be more than enough. 

3)  You are NOT defined by the divorce. 

After my divorce, I felt like I was marked. I felt like I was damaged goods that no one would want or want to associate with. I didn't think I belonged anywhere. I felt like my reputation was shattered. How could I teach students as a divorcee?  How could I step foot in a church again--especially a southern Baptist church?  I felt as if everyone around me, even strangers were judging me. They knew. They could see it. With every question, every whisper, every soft pat on the back, I felt more and more defined by what happened. It wasn't until I truly surrendered my life, and Christ changed my heart that I began to feel relief. No, it didn't go away all at once. I still struggled with it day in and day out. I prayed over it. Constantly. And one day in His steadfast love God whispered over me that the divorce, just like every other sin I have ever made and will ever make was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. It was and is covered in the blood. When God looks at me when I enter Heaven's gates, He will not see Kayla the divorced.  He will see me as His child through the blood of Jesus Christ. I did absolutely nothing to earn my salvation. Christ is the atoning sacrifice. Therefore, his blood has atoned, even for some this as devastating as divorce. 

4)  Happiness is possible. 

Right now, you feel the weight of the world. And you feel as if you'll never be happy again. You feel like nothing you could ever find would make you happy. But let me go back to point 2. You can find happiness and contentment in Christ alone. One of the biggest things that God has taught me through the past year is that I cannot base my happiness on worldly things or people. They will always disappoint. These worldly things shall pass away, but Christ is eternal. It wasn't until I was completely alone and I became completely content in Christ alone that He began to answer the prayers for friendships that I had prayed for for so long. 

Cry out to Jesus. 

I am no expert. I am no counselor. I am simply a formerly totally depraved sinner, bought with the price of Christ's sacrifice, and trying my best to live a life that is honoring to Him alone. 

These are just words on a page. Seek Him first. Always. 

-KG