What I've Learned -- Year Five

Five years.  I was told that after five years of teaching I would be much more comfortable in my classroom and that I would really feel like I knew what I was doing.  I'm still waiting on that day-- not quite there yet.  This teaching thing is tough, and every single day I learn more and more of what works and what doesn't work.  Last year, I started a tradition that I hope to continue through all of my years of teaching with an annual "What I've Learned" post to reflect on what worked, what didn't work, and what I've learned throughout the school year.  So, here it goes... What I've Learned-- Year Five:

1.  Teaching is not a 7:30-3:45...4....6 (whenever I actually pack up to go home) job.

So, you'd think that over the past 5 years I would have learned this already, and, in a sense, I have, but let me explain... In terms of paperwork, endless grading, lesson planning, etc., I learned during year one that teaching was far beyond a 40-hour a week job.  However, this year, I learned that my "off the clock" time is valuable, and, simply by choosing to spend the little free-time that I have getting to know my students through playing soccer, going to the movies, getting froyo, attending sporting events, etc., I can take steps toward becoming all that I want to be as a teacher.  Pardon the side-story but it's crazy relevant right here:  The day I knew that I wanted to become a teacher and exactly the type of teacher that I wanted to become was the day of my best friend's funeral visitation... I met my beloved English teacher Mrs. Gordon (or Donna G, as we affectionately called her -- never to her face of course ;) ) in the parking lot of the church.  She stopped in her tracks as she watched me walking towards her, and when I met her, she stood there saying nothing but with open arms.  She hugged me... not with a cheap little side hug, but with a genuine, warm, I love you and care about you hug.  She let me burst into tears on her shoulder, and she whispered that she was praying for me.  It was at this moment that I knew that one day when I had my own classroom, I was going to give everything that I had to try to become half the teacher, role model, care-taker, and friend that Mrs. Gordon was for us.  Somehow, in the chaos of shifting standards, changing schools, and all that is teaching middle school, this passion for loving my students where they're at with all that I have got lost in the shuffle.  In the name of personal time (which don't get me wrong is crazy important-- it's a balance) and "having a life," I shoved that vision to the side and did my own thing.  However, as this year progressed, the Lord gave me opportunity after opportunity to hang out with my students and to be there for them, and, giving up just a small amount of personal time had radical, transforming effects in my classroom.  So, I'll gladly give up one night a week to play soccer, or part of my spring break for a night hanging out with a girl that just needs out of the house, in the name of having my kids know without a doubt that I care and that I want them to succeed.

2.  Compartmentalizing your life is impossible-- and stressful.

I'm going to try my best to keep this one brief, but let me just say that this is by far the biggest, most life-changing, lesson that I've learned this year, and it started just a little over a year ago.  At Passion Camp last year, the Lord rocked my world and strongly convicted me with how I had so very carefully compartmentalized and only "allowed" Him into certain parts of my life.  Due to laws, fear, self-preservation, and uncertainty, I had been allowing Jesus full reign of almost every part of my life except my classroom.  At Passion Camp, the Lord gave me a vision of having my small group of high school girls in my own classroom-- what would change?  What would I do differently?  Could I be the same teacher that I was before?  The answer to that last question was an overwhelming NO.  I couldn't fly off the handle at the smallest thing due to stress, then teach them that the Word says to be "slow to anger".  I couldn't raise my voice or yell or "go off" on them, and then study the Word with them and remind them to "be kind and compassionate" to all.  It just wasn't possible... so, how was I going to square with that?  What was going to change?  I remember sitting down through worship that night and crying out to God surrendering my classroom, my identity as a teacher, and every part of me over to Him.  I couldn't live the double life.  I had to be authentic-- not in preaching to my students or even talking Bible to them-- but simply by being the same person that I was on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights in my classroom.  I prayed through this on the ride home from Passion-- praying that I wouldn't lose sight of the mighty work that He had done and that these lessons would flow into my classroom.  Then, we arrived back at the conference center and began to unload the bus.  As we did, Jody, the campus pastor of Pinelake-Oxford approached me with his classic smile and excitedly told me that I would be teaching his daughter this year!  Boom.  That was it.  That was my accountability.  That was my reminder.  CG (his daughter) was put in my first period class (tell me that's not a God thing) where I saw her sweet smiling face as a reminder that, honestly, at this point, it was completely impossible for me to live a double life.  CG served with me every Sunday morning in Pinelake Kids.  She was at student ministry every other Wednesday night.  I could no longer be wishy-washy.  I had to choose a side, choose an identity, choose a "life" and roll with it, and I chose love, I chose compassion, I chose patience.  That certainly doesn't mean that this year was perfect.  I still lost my cool, I still got frustrated, and I still probably freaked poor CG out some days, but one thing I am confident of is that allowing Jesus to change every part of me, including me as a teacher, is something that I will never, ever regret, and that I can say with the utmost confidence that has forever changed me as a teacher.

3.  Don't look to your students to change the classroom culture, you're the teacher, that's your job.

So often, I've looked to my students frustrated that my classroom didn't seem like a safe place or that they weren't working well collaboratively.  I decided that this was simply because of the hand I'd been dealt.  I couldn't do group work because I had "these kids" or that I couldn't do that activity with "that class."  Throughout this school year, I've learned that, as the teacher, I have the power privilege to manage and build the culture that allows and encourages collaboration and is a safe space for my students to express their ideas and opinions.  Every student, regardless of their family situation, their choices, their frustrations, or their baggage has the right to safe classroom environment where they can learn and explore mathematics.  Every child can learn when given the chance!  

4.  Don't be afraid to have fun!

This year, I started something called "Funny Friday" in my classroom.  Basically, "Funny Friday" is where I play a funny "Try Not to Laugh" Youtube video at the beginning of class.  The students watch the video and are challenged not to smile or laugh while watching the video.  I found that this time became majorly important to the kids.  It was a time in a very chaotic, usually test-filled day, where the students could sit in silence, and watch a feel-good, make-you-smile (even if you were called out) kind of video.  This is definitely a staple that I hope to continue in my classroom for years to come.  I also learned the power of laughing with my students and laughing at my mistakes.  Last year, I honestly was a grinch who saw laughing or playing as a sign of lack of focus and that students "only wanted to play"; however, this year, I've learned that these students need an outlet.  I can't imagine (well, I can bc I've been there but still) having to sit still and quiet for 8 hours a day and listen to someone talk to me about something that I don't really care about in the first place.  These kids need an outlet.  These kids need a safe place to smile and even laugh a little, and I hope my classroom can become that place!

5.  The more structure, the better.

I'm not going to say that I've fully mastered this one yet-- at all.  My personality is anything but structure.  I like the messy.  I like the unknown.  I like the go-with-the-flow moments.  I'm honestly not a big planner, and I love the spontaneity of a last minute change of plans.  To say that I've struggled in my classroom due to this personality trait over the past five years would be a huge understatement.  Lack of preparation and the middle school math classroom do not go hand in hand-- at all.  Middle schoolers like NEED structure.  When the world around them and the hormones within them seem to be going crazy, they need the constant; they need the consistent; they need the structure.  So, my classroom has to be a place where they know and understand what is expected of them and where they can fall into the routine.  Every year, I feel that I've taken one step closer to this structure. 

So, here's to year five-- the year of personal growth, spiritual growth, and professional growth!  I'm looking forward to year six with excitement and anticipation!  I have been given the crazy, awesome privilege of moving up to teach 8th grade next year, so I'm looking forward to seeing so many of the same smiling faces from this year all over again mixed with all new faces.  In the meantime, I'll be hanging in Honduras until school starts back!  OMS, I'll catch ya in August!