2015.

Grace.

If I had to sum up 2015 in just one word, it would be.... grace.

This morning, as I sang the lyrics to one of my favorite worship songs surrounded by a church congregation that I've come to love dearly... "Doesn't matter what I feel...doesn't matter what I see... my hope will always be in your promises to me,"... God spoke through the lyrics of the song and I was wrecked by His unwavering faithfulness and grace.

As the year comes to a close, like so many have before, I have been taking the time to reflect on the year from beginning to end and all that it has entailed.  If I had to pick just one year of my life to tell someone about, it would without question be 2015.  I would not want to tell this story for self-pity, or self-righteousness (there's no such thing - Romans 3:10), or out of pride.  I want to tell this story to show what my God has done for His glory and His alone...

You see, a very little known fact is that on January 1, 2015, I was in the deepest, darkest depression that I've ever been in... I was totally and completely alone.  I had no one that I felt like I could call.  No one that I felt truly cared or loved me unconditionally.  (I now know that that's not true, but at the time, even if you'd told me you cared it wouldn't have gotten into my heart or even my head.  I wouldn't have listened.  I might have smiled.  I might have even responded with an "I know" or a warm hug.  But the darkness, the loneliness, the emptiness was there.  Constantly.)  Oh, but that's far from the point of this story, that's only the beginning.

This year, God has taught me so many valuable life-changing truths that I want to share:

1)  His grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

When I was at my wits end, when I finally came to the realization that I couldn't do this thing called life on my own was when I saw that Christ had been pursuing me all along.  His grace was sufficient. His power was made perfect in my weakness.  I didn't pray a magic prayer.  I honestly didn't even walk an aisle, but at my seat, where I was, which just happened to be in a sanctuary, I accepted Christ's invitation to die to myself and surrender complete control of my life over to Him, and I've never been the same since.  And the best part is that absolutely nothing that I did or have done would have ever been enough.  It's only by His blood, by His sacrifice, by His ransom, that I have been set free.

2)  Christ is enough. (Philippians 3:7-10)

Oh how I love my worldly treasures.  Oh how I love my worldly people.  Oh how I love, I love, I love, all of these things... but compared to Christ these things are counted as loss, even the most important people in my life.  If tomorrow, everything was stripped away, Christ is and would be enough, and, oh how I pray that that truth is so deeply-rooted in my heart that if/when that happens, I am confident and secure in Christ alone.

3)  Romans 8:28.

ALL things work together.  On January 1st, if you'd ask me what I foresaw happening in 2015, very little of what I would have described could have been characterized as "good."  Honestly, I probably just would've started crying on you and run away screaming (Okay, maybe not screaming, but sobbing for sure).  I didn't understand how anything so devastating, so deteriorating, so ugly, could be turned for good.  I had no idea.  In January, the god (lower-case-g god) that I "knew" (or had created) didn't have a plan.  he (lower-case intentional) couldn't possibly work anything for good; he wasn't even near enough to see me or hear me crying out in the pit.  It wasn't until February when I began to listen that I came face-to-face with the God (big G) of the universe, my creator, that I realized that He had the power to work all things for good if I just trusted Him.  It was at that point that He spoke over me that I didn't have to see the good.  I didn't have to know what was coming.  I just had to trust that His plans are greater, His thoughts are higher, and His ways are perfect (Proverbs 16:9, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalm 18:30).  I let go.  And, let me tell you what I found... grace, grace, God's grace.

This year has been far from perfect.  There have been bumps.  There have been bruises.  There have been points that were truly my breaking point, but the most beautiful part of all of it is that when I reached my breaking point was exactly when it became the most apparent to me that I couldn't do this life thing on my own.  I was never created to do life alone.  I was created for an intimate relationship with my Creator, and it is only by Him and through Him that I live.  

So 2015, you've brought change... huge, drastic, change...

- spiritual change (Jesus rescued me.  Freedom.)

- physical change (God led me away from the town I was born/raised/spent 25 years of my life in to my new home, new friends, a new job, and a beautiful new church family.  Freedom.)

- personal change (Due to primarily the spiritual change, but also in part to the physical change, I found me.  I found who I am in Christ, a formerly hopeless sinner loved and redeemed by an unrelenting, good, good Father.  And when you live life from that perspective, your life can't help but be radically changed and transformed.  You no longer worry about the mundane day-to-day troubles of this world.  You see the world through a completely different lens.  Self is no longer the focus, but rather the focus is to glorify Christ in everything that you do.  Freedom.)

As I compare January 1, 2015, to December 27, 2015, (Almost January 1, 2016) I am brought to my knees and overwhelmed by His goodness, His mercy, and His faithfulness.

And 2016... Here's to the best one yet!

For His glory alone,

KG

  

Where Are You, Christmas?

I loved Christmas.  Yes, I said loved (past tense), not love (present tense).  Let me explain...

So, growing up, Christmas was always my favorite.  I loved the excitement and the energy of opening presents.  I loved Santa.  I loved the anticipation.  I loved how everyone, no matter how they were the day before and how they were the day after, was happy on Christmas.  As a child, Christmas was my jam.  I also loved it because it was "Jesus's birthday" as I so often rattled off.  I knew that Christ came as a baby and was born in a manger.  I knew all about Gabriel and Joseph and the wise men and no room at the inn.  I knew it all--as a story.  I knew that that baby grew into a man that died on the cross for my sins.  I knew it.  And I "celebrated" Christmas every year as Jesus's birthday.

That is, until this year....Just keep reading...

This year, I found myself in a funk.  No Christmas spirit.  No "singing loud for all to hear." No rush to watch Elf, or The Santa Clause, or Miracle on 34th Street, or any of my other favorites.  No Christmas music from November 1st to December 31st.  None of that.  I was in a fog.  There was no anticipation, no excitement, no joy for Christmas.  There was stress.  Stress of how I would manage to buy everyone presents when I can barely stay afloat financially without the extra spending that Christmas entails.  The stress of finals looming near.  The stress of keeping my classroom afloat with the ever increasing Christmas fever.  Stress.  Crippling stress that characterized my every move... until this week.

This week, God began slowly speaking one word over me.... focus.  From the music my Spotify played, to the scriptures I read, to posts on Facebook, to the message from the minister that visited Fellowship of Christian Students, to conversations with family, to the word spoken in Pinelake Kids this morning, to the worship this morning, to the Pinelake sermon, to the Christ Community sermon, to conversations with friends, to tonight's worship service.... Focus, Kayla, focus.  Just look at me.  Keep your eyes fixed on me.  I'm the author and perfecter of your faith (Heb. 12:2).  Focus.  Quite honestly, throughout the week, I wrestled with that.  I thought of the many things that might be distracting me.  I pushed away things.  I pushed away people.  I put things off.  I left things undone.  But still my focus wasn't there.  I still could not focus.  I felt like I was missing something.  Why was my "Christmas spirit" still not there?  Was it because I drank from the red cup at Starbucks? (jk, jk). :)  What happened?

I didn't understand... until today.  First, the day started with Pinelake Kids.  Quite honestly, this morning, I felt like a child.  As Hannah, the children's minister, explained in a way that a child could understand that Christ humbled Himself, came down from His Heavenly throne, as a baby to be born in what would today be called a barn surrounded by "germs" as the kids pointed out this morning, it was like I was hearing it for the very first time.  You see, I'd heard all of this before.  I'd heard "Away in a Manger" over and over at Christmas time.  I'd heard the Christmas story.  I knew it was Jesus's birthday, but I didn't know Jesus then.  I didn't know this king that came as a babe.  I was simply regurgitating the information that was poured into me by Sunday School teacher after Sunday School teacher each year as December 1st rolled around.  Born in a manger, wise men, followed a star, mom was Mary, etc.  But to think about the fact that Christ didn't just come as a man to walk this Earth... Even more humbly, He came as a baby.... born in a stable... as a part of God's sovereign salvation plan.  That's something to get excited about.  That's something to celebrate.  That's far greater of a gift than anyone could ever give or receive on Christmas day. 

Tonight, we had Kingdom Come:  Christmas Night of Worship at my church.  It was just that--a Christmas night of worship.  We gathered to sing praises to the King and to celebrate the birth of our Savior.  So many songs that I'd mindlessly sang for so long, year after year, suddenly took on new meanings for me.  These are songs of worship.  When we sing, "Oh, come, all ye faithful..." are we adoring Him?  Are we being faithful?  When we sing, "Be near me, Lord Jesus.." in Away In a Manger, do we mean it?  Oh how I pray that we do.

You see, when I say the word Christmas, the culture that we live in immediately sees Santa, and mistletoe, and Christmas trees, and presents, and lights, and shopping, and cookies, and everything but Jesus.  So, I loved Christmas.  I loved the excitement, the anticipation of the man in the red suit coming down the chimney with all of my shiny, new toys.

Now, I love Jesus.  I love Christ.  I love my King who humbled Himself and loved us so much that He came into this world as a baby in a lowly manger, surrounded by germs, lived a perfect life, died on the cross to pay a debt that I could have never repaid, rose again, ascended into Heaven, and is coming back one day!  I love Christmas because it set God's beautiful plan of redemption into motion, when Christ came into this world ever so quietly and beautifully in a lowly manger behind an inn and changed this world forever.

So, this Christmas, I challenge you.  Don't just say, "Remember the reason for the season" mindlessly-- truly remember the reason for the season.  Don't get so wrapped up celebrating Christmas and all that that has come to entail, that you miss out on celebrating Jesus, who was born to save the world.