2015.

Grace.

If I had to sum up 2015 in just one word, it would be.... grace.

This morning, as I sang the lyrics to one of my favorite worship songs surrounded by a church congregation that I've come to love dearly... "Doesn't matter what I feel...doesn't matter what I see... my hope will always be in your promises to me,"... God spoke through the lyrics of the song and I was wrecked by His unwavering faithfulness and grace.

As the year comes to a close, like so many have before, I have been taking the time to reflect on the year from beginning to end and all that it has entailed.  If I had to pick just one year of my life to tell someone about, it would without question be 2015.  I would not want to tell this story for self-pity, or self-righteousness (there's no such thing - Romans 3:10), or out of pride.  I want to tell this story to show what my God has done for His glory and His alone...

You see, a very little known fact is that on January 1, 2015, I was in the deepest, darkest depression that I've ever been in... I was totally and completely alone.  I had no one that I felt like I could call.  No one that I felt truly cared or loved me unconditionally.  (I now know that that's not true, but at the time, even if you'd told me you cared it wouldn't have gotten into my heart or even my head.  I wouldn't have listened.  I might have smiled.  I might have even responded with an "I know" or a warm hug.  But the darkness, the loneliness, the emptiness was there.  Constantly.)  Oh, but that's far from the point of this story, that's only the beginning.

This year, God has taught me so many valuable life-changing truths that I want to share:

1)  His grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

When I was at my wits end, when I finally came to the realization that I couldn't do this thing called life on my own was when I saw that Christ had been pursuing me all along.  His grace was sufficient. His power was made perfect in my weakness.  I didn't pray a magic prayer.  I honestly didn't even walk an aisle, but at my seat, where I was, which just happened to be in a sanctuary, I accepted Christ's invitation to die to myself and surrender complete control of my life over to Him, and I've never been the same since.  And the best part is that absolutely nothing that I did or have done would have ever been enough.  It's only by His blood, by His sacrifice, by His ransom, that I have been set free.

2)  Christ is enough. (Philippians 3:7-10)

Oh how I love my worldly treasures.  Oh how I love my worldly people.  Oh how I love, I love, I love, all of these things... but compared to Christ these things are counted as loss, even the most important people in my life.  If tomorrow, everything was stripped away, Christ is and would be enough, and, oh how I pray that that truth is so deeply-rooted in my heart that if/when that happens, I am confident and secure in Christ alone.

3)  Romans 8:28.

ALL things work together.  On January 1st, if you'd ask me what I foresaw happening in 2015, very little of what I would have described could have been characterized as "good."  Honestly, I probably just would've started crying on you and run away screaming (Okay, maybe not screaming, but sobbing for sure).  I didn't understand how anything so devastating, so deteriorating, so ugly, could be turned for good.  I had no idea.  In January, the god (lower-case-g god) that I "knew" (or had created) didn't have a plan.  he (lower-case intentional) couldn't possibly work anything for good; he wasn't even near enough to see me or hear me crying out in the pit.  It wasn't until February when I began to listen that I came face-to-face with the God (big G) of the universe, my creator, that I realized that He had the power to work all things for good if I just trusted Him.  It was at that point that He spoke over me that I didn't have to see the good.  I didn't have to know what was coming.  I just had to trust that His plans are greater, His thoughts are higher, and His ways are perfect (Proverbs 16:9, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalm 18:30).  I let go.  And, let me tell you what I found... grace, grace, God's grace.

This year has been far from perfect.  There have been bumps.  There have been bruises.  There have been points that were truly my breaking point, but the most beautiful part of all of it is that when I reached my breaking point was exactly when it became the most apparent to me that I couldn't do this life thing on my own.  I was never created to do life alone.  I was created for an intimate relationship with my Creator, and it is only by Him and through Him that I live.  

So 2015, you've brought change... huge, drastic, change...

- spiritual change (Jesus rescued me.  Freedom.)

- physical change (God led me away from the town I was born/raised/spent 25 years of my life in to my new home, new friends, a new job, and a beautiful new church family.  Freedom.)

- personal change (Due to primarily the spiritual change, but also in part to the physical change, I found me.  I found who I am in Christ, a formerly hopeless sinner loved and redeemed by an unrelenting, good, good Father.  And when you live life from that perspective, your life can't help but be radically changed and transformed.  You no longer worry about the mundane day-to-day troubles of this world.  You see the world through a completely different lens.  Self is no longer the focus, but rather the focus is to glorify Christ in everything that you do.  Freedom.)

As I compare January 1, 2015, to December 27, 2015, (Almost January 1, 2016) I am brought to my knees and overwhelmed by His goodness, His mercy, and His faithfulness.

And 2016... Here's to the best one yet!

For His glory alone,

KG