Almost 18 months ago, the Lord began a journey in me, and, to be honest, at first, I wasn't really sure where this journey would lead. From an orphan care follow-up meeting in 2015, to Matamoros, to the quiet whispers in the silence, time-after-time the Lord confirmed the road that He was calling me down.
During the Orphan Care Sunday service in November 2015, I prayerfully made a commitment to put my yes on the table-- wherever He calls, wherever He leads, I would go. At the follow-up meeting immediately one specific trip jumped off the page. However, the price tag of this trip overwhelmed me, so I tried my best to put it out of my mind. Instead, I "settled" for an affordable trip to Matamoros in July 2016. Little did I know that my "settling" is exactly what the Lord was using to prepare me step-by-step down the exact road that He was calling me to, and, despite my shortcomings, He's continued to prepare me each step of the way.
He has healed gaping wounds. He has opened doors. He has given me a love and a passion for teaching all students, and a new-found (since coming to Oxford) love and passion for teaching English Language Learners. He has given me a passion for seeing His glory declared in all nations. He has prepared my heart.
During the 2016 Orphan Care Sunday service (November 2016), the Lord clearly confirmed that He was calling me to teach in Honduras, but, at the time, I wasn't really sure what that meant or how that would play out. Long story, short, over the next few weeks, as I prayed and processed through this calling, the Lord revealed the ministry He was calling me to work with, the children's home that He was calling me to, and the specific route that He had for me to take this summer.
On December 6, 2016, I applied for the program "just to see what would happen", and received a call for an interview less than 10 minutes after submitting a pre-application. I went through an interview process, and, in January, things became official.
What began as a whim "I'd love to go... but..." is soon to become a reality.
This summer, I will be spending six weeks in Honduras serving at Rancho Ebenezer as an intern in their Summer Learning Fun Program! Rancho Ebenezer is a children's home that provides a safe-haven for abused, neglected, and orphaned children in Honduras. Although I have not been to the ranch, I have heard so many wonderful things about the work that the Lord is doing there, and I am ecstatic to be a small part of it this summer!
After accepting the call to spend my summer in Honduras, I wish that I could say that everything fell perfectly into place, and I never looked back. However, in the spirit of being completely real and transparent, the past two months have been a roller coaster. After my interviews, while I was in the waiting part of the process, the week before I left for Matamoros in December, my Papaw was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that is in both lungs, his brain, and his lymph nodes, and my step-dad, who has colon cancer, faced a very serious life-threatening surgery as well. These circumstances forced me to come face-to-face with my fears and my anxieties. I had to make a choice. Will I choose to trust in spite of my feelings, or will I let my emotions, doubts, and fears dictate my willingness to obey?
This question kept me up at night, was always on my mind, and became the center of almost every conversation that I had. I was stuck in the tension of grieving for my Papaw's diagnosis and celebrating the path the Lord was leading me towards. Time and time again, week in and week out, I declared that my belief was louder than my doubt and that I believe that the Lord was and is still in control; however, as I received the next bit of bad news or dwelled on what the future might bring, doubt crept in again and my faith was found lacking... until yesterday.
Yesterday morning, the Lord spoke through Chip's message and confirmed what He had been whispering to my heart since Wednesday of last week. The same God with the same power that raised Jesus Christ (and Lazarus) from the dead is still at work in you and I today. God's chief concern is not my comfort in my circumstances. His only two chief desires in our circumstances are His glory and the growing of our faith by which He is glorified. It's all about His glory. It's all for His glory-- even through the pain. If my Papaw had not gotten sick, I can honestly say that my faith would not be nearly as strong as it is today. I've prayed daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute for a miracle. Whether that miracle comes on Earth or in Heaven, I know, without a doubt, that the Lord is sovereign, and He has not lost control for even a second. God is alive, and His voice must be louder than my doubts, my fears, my disappointments, and my circumstances. All of these points combined and culminated in a resolve that I will no longer life in the tension of doubt and faith. I am choosing faith. I am choosing to trust that no matter what comes my way before, during, or after this summer, God is in control, and His ways are higher.
He is faithful, and He has not left for even a moment.
See ya this summer, Honduras!
(Fundraiser info (including t-shirts) coming SOON! Stay tuned!)
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