I'm Leaving the Country.

     Next Friday, I am leaving sweet little Oxford.  I'm leaving Grenada.  I'm leaving Mississippi.  I'm leaving all of the comforts, safety, and security of home, and I'm going to Matamoros, Mexico.

     Early last year, after Christ radically transformed my life, I began saying that I felt a strong calling to "go on a mission trip."  I wasn't sure exactly what that would look like, and, aside from a few summer camps, I'd never really gone on a mission trip, much less out of the country.  I began praying about it, and really seeking out what the Lord had for me or what I was being called to, and, in the fall of last year, my eyes were opened wide.  You see, what I took to be a calling to "go on a mission trip" was so much more than that.  God revealed to me through His Word that this was not simply a calling for a trip or a week-long adventure in some foreign country; rather, as my life was transformed last year, He placed a burning desire and passion within me to share the Gospel to share these life-transforming truths to any and everyone that I possibly could.  If Jesus could take a dirty, roughed-up, beaten-down, depressed sinner like me and bring me to life as a new creation in His image, oh, I can't even imagine how He could transform entire groups, cities, states, and nations for His glory!

     Long-story-short, this deep-rooted passion led me to attend a follow-up meeting after Orphan Care Sunday at Pinelake.  At this meeting, we were given information about the various ways to serve and GO to help spread the Gospel of Christ among the nations.  When I picked up the sheet, one trip in particular stood out to me.. Matamoros-- July 1 - 6.  I can't explain why this trip stuck out or anything like that aside to say that I believe God has big things in store.  We will be spending the week serving and working in the Matamoros Children's Home.

     So, that is one-week from today.  One-week from today, I will be getting on a bus for a 12-hour ride to Matamoros, and I could not be more excited.  Well, that was the case until this morning...  This morning, as soon as I woke up, I was flooded with attacks from the Enemy.  "You have one-week to get ready."  "You don't know these people."  "What if they don't like you?"  "What if you lose your passport?"  "What if you get sick?"  "You know what you did yesterday, how you messed up-- how can you share the Gospel when you're a dirty sinner yourself?"  "God can't use you." 

     I was flooded with lie after lie, and, for a moment, I let them sink in.. much deeper than I should have.  When I caught that they were lies from the Enemy, I decided to combat these lies and to seek out the truths from my God in His Word.  As I dug into the Word, the Holy Spirit nudged me... Why are you going on this mission trip?  I gave all of the "reasons" that I had in my heart for going... to love on kids, to share the Gospel, to serve others... But I still felt the nudge... Why?  The Great Commission came to mind.  So, I opened my Bible to Matthew 28:18-20, and this is what I read:

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.'"

Boom.  There it was.  Why am I going?  Because I am a transformed child of God, and Jesus has called us to rise up and Go!, to rise up and make disciples of all nations, to teach them to observe Christ's commands.  That's why.  I'm following my Savior.  I'd read these verses so many times.  They are repeated over and over when churches are preparing for mission work.  They were quoted over and over in every David Platt book I've read, but, until this morning, these words had not come alive to me.  They were a command yes, but they were a command for the few that Jesus called into full-time missions-- not for little old me that was going on a mission trip for a week.  

Then, it hit me.  Again.  These commands are for me, and, child of God, they are for you too!  It's not over.  Our job is not finished.  Christ has called us ALL to reach the nations for His glory.  He has not just called the select few.  We are all in this.  So, then, this enormous, daunting command, became real, and apparent to me, and, being honest, this began to scare me to death.  It wasn't until I watched the John Piper video (linked below) that I understood that this command was not isolated.  It is surrounded by promises!  Did you get that?!  I may not have it all together but Jesus has all authority in heaven and on earth, and HE is with us ALWAYS.  Peace.  Instant peace.  No more worrying.  No more stressing.  Jesus, the creator, the Savior, the One who defeated death, He is with us.  He is with me.  That's it.  I'm ready.  No matter what may come, He has won.  He is a shield about me.  He is my protection.  So, I can honestly say, as Paul did from his prison cell in Philippians 4, that I can be content in all circumstances, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

If you have a chance, I encourage you to watch this video as John Piper exposits Matthew 28:18-20-- good stuff.

So, with all of this being said, please keep our team in your prayers as we go.  Please pray for the children and adults that we interact with.  Please pray for lives to be transformed.  Please pray for servants hearts and for direction and discernment.  Please pray for Christ's glory and the Gospel to be proclaimed through our words and our actions.

For His glory alone,

-Kayla

What I've Learned-- Year Four

     

As the final bell rang yesterday, all the feels hit me.  Yet another year has come to a close all too quickly.  Don't get me wrong, I am as ready, if not more ready, for summer, for relaxation, for vacation, for less stress, as anyone else.  I'm ready to have a life outside of being Ms. Golden the math teacher; however, as I heard the students rush down the hall after that final bell, I began to reflect on this school year and all that it has entailed.  To say the least, this school year has been a challenge.  Year four has been the biggest challenge that I've ever had in my four years in the classroom.  From some of the most challenging (but most in need of love) students, to the pressures of full-time grad school and full-time teaching, to the responsibilities of serving with my church, to just trying to balance having a life in general, there were several instances where I felt like this year was going to be the death of me or at least the end of my teaching career.  However, by the grace of God and through His guidance, I have survived, and now I'm standing on the other side of year four looking forward to year five.  As I am reflecting upon this year, I wanted to take note of the many many things that this challenging, but amazing year has taught me.

So, here it goes.. What I've learned-- Year Four:

1)  Mistakes are necessary for progress.

"Failure is success in progress." 

Albert Einstein

     This could quite possibly be the biggest, yet the most ironic lesson that I've learned this year.  You see, all school year, I have "preached" to my students about the power of having a growth mindset and believing that you can improve and grow your brain, especially through making mistakes.  This has become my soapbox throughout the school year.  However, time and time again, as I was teaching a class and things did not go as I had planned or as my students' disruptive behavior became an issue, or I compared my scores/data to other teachers' scores/data, I bought into the lie that maybe I wasn't cut out for teaching after all.  Maybe I was okay when I had the comfortable situation in Grenada, but I could never make it in a real classroom.  Yet, I was still encouraging my students day in and day out to focus on the process and focus on improvement over time and not just a single moment of success or failure-- all while I was focusing on my own failures and short-comings.  It wasn't until very recently when a precious student reminded me that failure is necessary for progress that it hit me square between the eyes-- this year was progress.  While it may have been a year filled with mistakes and times that I have longed for a do-over or two, I have learned more in year four than I have in my previous three years combined, and, the most ironic part is that I've learned these valuable lessons-- not because I succeeded in my every endeavor or because I was hailed as this amazing, all-star teacher, but because I messed up, I got knocked down, I struggled, but I learned.  And, as I've told my students so many times this school year, "Learning isn't easy.. embrace struggle and grow!"

2)  Every day is a new day and the perfect time for a fresh start.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning great is your faithfulness.  "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 

Lamentations 3:21-24

     His mercies are new every morning.  My, oh my, how I have needed this reminder throughout this entire school year.  In a year filled with, as I stated before, the need for more do-overs and apologies than ever before, I am so thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.  I have also learned the power of apologizing (even especially to 12 and 13 year olds) and asking for forgiveness and a fresh start.  I have seen the power of approaching a new day with a positive attitude and a patient spirit.  I have seen radical change in my classroom this year simply through forgiveness and fresh start after fresh start.  I've seen previously labeled "problem students" change for the better simply by being given a second or third or 20th chance.  It's all about patience, respect, and believing in the power of a fresh start.

3)  No man is an island.

"The most valuable resource that all teachers have is each other.  Without collaboration, our growth is limited to our own perspectives."  

Robert John Meehan

    When I left Grenada, I left one of the most supportive, tight-knit, collaborative team that exists.  We worked as a unit-- on everything.  We had truly mastered the art of collaboration and getting the work done and doing what was best for our students.  We worked hard day in and day out for the good of our students, and we managed to take three different teaching styles and create lessons that allowed all students to learn in our individual classrooms.  Then.... someone had to go and mess it all up by moving to Oxford (No idea who that might be. Haha).  So, when I moved, there was an immediate feeling of being on an island all alone-- new town, new grade, new colleagues.  However, I quickly learned that I was not alone by any means.  OMS has a PLC period built into the teachers' schedules where we have a department meeting every day.  Meeting with the entire math department every day for an entire school year has built a sense of community and collaboration within our grade-level team and within the math department as a whole that I am so glad to be a part of.  We discuss plans, we vent frustrations, we share happy moments, we scour the data, we problem solve, but most of all, we support each other.  I have no doubt that these five people have my back, if when something happens in my classroom, or when I get that parent e-mail, or when my plans just don't turn out like I think they should, I know that my math department is there to back me up and to help me figure out the best solution to the problem.  I may be partial, but the math department is totally the best.  Although I have a lifelong friendship with my Grenada peeps (and always will), I am so thankful for my grade-level team and the math department for the awesome sense of community and collaboration that has been built this school year, and I'm looking forward to working with this awesome crew again next year.  We are the definition of #bettertogether !

4)  Sometimes the students that are the hardest to love, need my love the most.

"If kids come to use from strong, healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier.  If they do not come to us from strong, healthy, functioning families, it makes our job more important." 

Barbara Colorose

     Until this school year, I would have told you that I understood the importance of the above statement, yet, in reality, I had no idea.  While I've taught students that have come from some challenging home situations before this school year, I have not had the influx and large majority of "hard to love" students that are not necessarily from the ideal family situation.  This year, I learned the importance of looking past others' perceptions of a student, putting all other opinions and previous experiences to the side, and simply focusing on the needs of the student and how those needs could be met in order to learn most effectively.  If those needs include having a snack, I learned the value of having snacks on hand.  If the needs include an emotional breather in the hallway, I've learned to allow the student to step out and take a breath.  Y'all, seventh grade is tough.  Life as a seventh grader is crazy, out-of-control, confusing, yet we expect them to put all of this craziness to the side and focus on math, English, social studies, science, ICT, and everything else for 8 hours everyday and to do it all quietly?! Oh man, that's asking a lot of such a little, confused person whose wants and desires on anything but academics.  So, moral of the story?  They have need to learn, so how do we combat the seventh grade crazies?  We meet them where they are.  We venture into the craziness, we address it, and we create a learning environment that best meets the needs of the students and allows them to flourish and to learn!  While it has truly taken me all 180 days of the school year to learn this lesson, I now know that with a little patience and whole lot of love, any student can be successful.

     In closing, year four, it's been real.  It's been fun.  And I guess you could even say that it's been real fun.  Here's to 2 more work days, then a relaxing summer vacation filled with reading good books, travel, sleeping late, and all of the Netflix binges that I can possibly take!  Year five, I see you, and I'm ready... well, not yet... but gimme two months, then I got you!

   

Praise God for Dirty Dishes

Some days it's easy to praise Jesus.  When things are going well, when I feel content, when I am happy, when I'm at church and I can block everything else out... praising Jesus comes as easily as breathing.

Truth?  Lately, praising Jesus has been hard.  Life has been stressful to the max.  I feel like I've been running ninety to nothing every day since January 1st, and it has been getting the best of me.

Yesterday, I woke up having a pity party.  As I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed, I saw tons of people on vacation, tons of wedding pictures, engagement pictures, and just all around happiness.  Happiness that I long for.  Happiness that I desire  covet. (Father, forgive me.)  This was not the Spring Break that I had planned.  I was supposed to be in Matamoros on a mission trip this week.  Due to different circumstances and the sovereignty of God's plan, I am now going this summer instead.  (Thanks to all who have prayed and donated, please continue to pray for the trip in July!)  So, I took a deep breath, rolled out of bed, and continued my pity party as I began to clean my house (my least favorite thing in the entire world).  As I was washing dishes with my praise music blasting, I couldn't help but sing along.  Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks...

These are the moments when it is most important to praise God.  When life isn't perfect, when you're tired, beat down, ragged, and doing your least favorite thing, praise God.  When it seems like everyone else is traveling, getting married, getting engaged, having babies, and you're not, praise God.  When you're struggling in a graduate school class with a professor that seems to be completely unreasonable, praise God.  When you have 20 seventh graders bouncing off the walls and caring less about the math you're trying to teach them, praise God.  When you're 25 and life has not turned out at all like you thought it would, praise God.

So, I continued washing dishes, while praising my Jesus.  As I did, God revealed to me more and more of all of the things in life that I have to be grateful for.  Simple things, like every single dish and piece of silverware that I washed... each item represented a meal that I'd eaten in the comfort of my home-- on dishes, with air conditioner, with electricity, with a roof over my head-- all paid for by the income from the job that I am blessed to have.  Yet, for some reason, I felt the need to have a pity party this morning because I have not been spending the week in some exotic location?  Father, forgive me.  I am blessed beyond measure, and I'm ashamed to admit that it has taken me so long to get that through my stubborn head.

As I sit here today, I'm realizing, however, that it is about so much more than what I'm blessed to have as far as material things go, above all else, even if I had absolutely nothing else in this life, I'd still have more than what I need in Christ.  It's so easy to stand and sing "In Christ Alone" on Sunday, but by Wednesday to live like it's not true...  Oh, Father, forgive me.  May I find my hope, my contentment, my peace, in Christ alone because He is enough.

I pray that I would hang on to that.  One year ago, February 28th, I fully understood that for the very first time.  I finally got that Christ was enough.  He took my punishment.  He paid my ransom.  He set me free.  He restored my relationship to the Father.  Oh, praise God!  And, this year, on February 28th, I sat in my church praising Jesus for the mighty work He's done in me over the past year, and I meant it with all of my heart.  Yet, as I was driving home from church, at a red light (of course!), I checked my email, and I saw 5 parent emails, 3 student emails, and 2 emails from professors.  Bam.  Reality.  And I let it take over.  I let it steal my joy.  Father, forgive me.

Contentment.  It's a funny word.  It's a funny idea, not in the haha type of way, but in the irony that we are all searching for it, but it's only found in one place that we glance at and walk away.  You see, I'm learning more and more that contentment is, always has been, and will always be found in Christ alone.  He is our strength.  He is our hope.  Any other source of contentment will run dry.

"Water from a broken well will make you thirst again." - Jimmy Needham, Dearly Loved (If you haven't heard it, listen now!  It's beautiful!)



HE is the living water-- the well that will not run dry.  Run to Him and you'll never thirst again.  He meets our every need.  HE is enough.  Rest in that.  He loves you dearly, just call on Him.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

- Kayla

2015.

Grace.

If I had to sum up 2015 in just one word, it would be.... grace.

This morning, as I sang the lyrics to one of my favorite worship songs surrounded by a church congregation that I've come to love dearly... "Doesn't matter what I feel...doesn't matter what I see... my hope will always be in your promises to me,"... God spoke through the lyrics of the song and I was wrecked by His unwavering faithfulness and grace.

As the year comes to a close, like so many have before, I have been taking the time to reflect on the year from beginning to end and all that it has entailed.  If I had to pick just one year of my life to tell someone about, it would without question be 2015.  I would not want to tell this story for self-pity, or self-righteousness (there's no such thing - Romans 3:10), or out of pride.  I want to tell this story to show what my God has done for His glory and His alone...

You see, a very little known fact is that on January 1, 2015, I was in the deepest, darkest depression that I've ever been in... I was totally and completely alone.  I had no one that I felt like I could call.  No one that I felt truly cared or loved me unconditionally.  (I now know that that's not true, but at the time, even if you'd told me you cared it wouldn't have gotten into my heart or even my head.  I wouldn't have listened.  I might have smiled.  I might have even responded with an "I know" or a warm hug.  But the darkness, the loneliness, the emptiness was there.  Constantly.)  Oh, but that's far from the point of this story, that's only the beginning.

This year, God has taught me so many valuable life-changing truths that I want to share:

1)  His grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

When I was at my wits end, when I finally came to the realization that I couldn't do this thing called life on my own was when I saw that Christ had been pursuing me all along.  His grace was sufficient. His power was made perfect in my weakness.  I didn't pray a magic prayer.  I honestly didn't even walk an aisle, but at my seat, where I was, which just happened to be in a sanctuary, I accepted Christ's invitation to die to myself and surrender complete control of my life over to Him, and I've never been the same since.  And the best part is that absolutely nothing that I did or have done would have ever been enough.  It's only by His blood, by His sacrifice, by His ransom, that I have been set free.

2)  Christ is enough. (Philippians 3:7-10)

Oh how I love my worldly treasures.  Oh how I love my worldly people.  Oh how I love, I love, I love, all of these things... but compared to Christ these things are counted as loss, even the most important people in my life.  If tomorrow, everything was stripped away, Christ is and would be enough, and, oh how I pray that that truth is so deeply-rooted in my heart that if/when that happens, I am confident and secure in Christ alone.

3)  Romans 8:28.

ALL things work together.  On January 1st, if you'd ask me what I foresaw happening in 2015, very little of what I would have described could have been characterized as "good."  Honestly, I probably just would've started crying on you and run away screaming (Okay, maybe not screaming, but sobbing for sure).  I didn't understand how anything so devastating, so deteriorating, so ugly, could be turned for good.  I had no idea.  In January, the god (lower-case-g god) that I "knew" (or had created) didn't have a plan.  he (lower-case intentional) couldn't possibly work anything for good; he wasn't even near enough to see me or hear me crying out in the pit.  It wasn't until February when I began to listen that I came face-to-face with the God (big G) of the universe, my creator, that I realized that He had the power to work all things for good if I just trusted Him.  It was at that point that He spoke over me that I didn't have to see the good.  I didn't have to know what was coming.  I just had to trust that His plans are greater, His thoughts are higher, and His ways are perfect (Proverbs 16:9, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalm 18:30).  I let go.  And, let me tell you what I found... grace, grace, God's grace.

This year has been far from perfect.  There have been bumps.  There have been bruises.  There have been points that were truly my breaking point, but the most beautiful part of all of it is that when I reached my breaking point was exactly when it became the most apparent to me that I couldn't do this life thing on my own.  I was never created to do life alone.  I was created for an intimate relationship with my Creator, and it is only by Him and through Him that I live.  

So 2015, you've brought change... huge, drastic, change...

- spiritual change (Jesus rescued me.  Freedom.)

- physical change (God led me away from the town I was born/raised/spent 25 years of my life in to my new home, new friends, a new job, and a beautiful new church family.  Freedom.)

- personal change (Due to primarily the spiritual change, but also in part to the physical change, I found me.  I found who I am in Christ, a formerly hopeless sinner loved and redeemed by an unrelenting, good, good Father.  And when you live life from that perspective, your life can't help but be radically changed and transformed.  You no longer worry about the mundane day-to-day troubles of this world.  You see the world through a completely different lens.  Self is no longer the focus, but rather the focus is to glorify Christ in everything that you do.  Freedom.)

As I compare January 1, 2015, to December 27, 2015, (Almost January 1, 2016) I am brought to my knees and overwhelmed by His goodness, His mercy, and His faithfulness.

And 2016... Here's to the best one yet!

For His glory alone,

KG

  

Where Are You, Christmas?

I loved Christmas.  Yes, I said loved (past tense), not love (present tense).  Let me explain...

So, growing up, Christmas was always my favorite.  I loved the excitement and the energy of opening presents.  I loved Santa.  I loved the anticipation.  I loved how everyone, no matter how they were the day before and how they were the day after, was happy on Christmas.  As a child, Christmas was my jam.  I also loved it because it was "Jesus's birthday" as I so often rattled off.  I knew that Christ came as a baby and was born in a manger.  I knew all about Gabriel and Joseph and the wise men and no room at the inn.  I knew it all--as a story.  I knew that that baby grew into a man that died on the cross for my sins.  I knew it.  And I "celebrated" Christmas every year as Jesus's birthday.

That is, until this year....Just keep reading...

This year, I found myself in a funk.  No Christmas spirit.  No "singing loud for all to hear." No rush to watch Elf, or The Santa Clause, or Miracle on 34th Street, or any of my other favorites.  No Christmas music from November 1st to December 31st.  None of that.  I was in a fog.  There was no anticipation, no excitement, no joy for Christmas.  There was stress.  Stress of how I would manage to buy everyone presents when I can barely stay afloat financially without the extra spending that Christmas entails.  The stress of finals looming near.  The stress of keeping my classroom afloat with the ever increasing Christmas fever.  Stress.  Crippling stress that characterized my every move... until this week.

This week, God began slowly speaking one word over me.... focus.  From the music my Spotify played, to the scriptures I read, to posts on Facebook, to the message from the minister that visited Fellowship of Christian Students, to conversations with family, to the word spoken in Pinelake Kids this morning, to the worship this morning, to the Pinelake sermon, to the Christ Community sermon, to conversations with friends, to tonight's worship service.... Focus, Kayla, focus.  Just look at me.  Keep your eyes fixed on me.  I'm the author and perfecter of your faith (Heb. 12:2).  Focus.  Quite honestly, throughout the week, I wrestled with that.  I thought of the many things that might be distracting me.  I pushed away things.  I pushed away people.  I put things off.  I left things undone.  But still my focus wasn't there.  I still could not focus.  I felt like I was missing something.  Why was my "Christmas spirit" still not there?  Was it because I drank from the red cup at Starbucks? (jk, jk). :)  What happened?

I didn't understand... until today.  First, the day started with Pinelake Kids.  Quite honestly, this morning, I felt like a child.  As Hannah, the children's minister, explained in a way that a child could understand that Christ humbled Himself, came down from His Heavenly throne, as a baby to be born in what would today be called a barn surrounded by "germs" as the kids pointed out this morning, it was like I was hearing it for the very first time.  You see, I'd heard all of this before.  I'd heard "Away in a Manger" over and over at Christmas time.  I'd heard the Christmas story.  I knew it was Jesus's birthday, but I didn't know Jesus then.  I didn't know this king that came as a babe.  I was simply regurgitating the information that was poured into me by Sunday School teacher after Sunday School teacher each year as December 1st rolled around.  Born in a manger, wise men, followed a star, mom was Mary, etc.  But to think about the fact that Christ didn't just come as a man to walk this Earth... Even more humbly, He came as a baby.... born in a stable... as a part of God's sovereign salvation plan.  That's something to get excited about.  That's something to celebrate.  That's far greater of a gift than anyone could ever give or receive on Christmas day. 

Tonight, we had Kingdom Come:  Christmas Night of Worship at my church.  It was just that--a Christmas night of worship.  We gathered to sing praises to the King and to celebrate the birth of our Savior.  So many songs that I'd mindlessly sang for so long, year after year, suddenly took on new meanings for me.  These are songs of worship.  When we sing, "Oh, come, all ye faithful..." are we adoring Him?  Are we being faithful?  When we sing, "Be near me, Lord Jesus.." in Away In a Manger, do we mean it?  Oh how I pray that we do.

You see, when I say the word Christmas, the culture that we live in immediately sees Santa, and mistletoe, and Christmas trees, and presents, and lights, and shopping, and cookies, and everything but Jesus.  So, I loved Christmas.  I loved the excitement, the anticipation of the man in the red suit coming down the chimney with all of my shiny, new toys.

Now, I love Jesus.  I love Christ.  I love my King who humbled Himself and loved us so much that He came into this world as a baby in a lowly manger, surrounded by germs, lived a perfect life, died on the cross to pay a debt that I could have never repaid, rose again, ascended into Heaven, and is coming back one day!  I love Christmas because it set God's beautiful plan of redemption into motion, when Christ came into this world ever so quietly and beautifully in a lowly manger behind an inn and changed this world forever.

So, this Christmas, I challenge you.  Don't just say, "Remember the reason for the season" mindlessly-- truly remember the reason for the season.  Don't get so wrapped up celebrating Christmas and all that that has come to entail, that you miss out on celebrating Jesus, who was born to save the world.

Power in His Presence

When we encounter Jesus, we will never be the same.

This has been a resounding theme God has been speaking into my life lately.  Through the sermon series on the Holy Spirit at Pinelake, to conversations with sweet friends, to the core group meeting, to the extraordinary E-Women's Conference this weekend.

Wednesday, God began working in my heart an overwhelming desire to seek His presence and His face above all else-- seeking His face and not only His hand.  Spirit fall.  That has been my plea.  And, oh boy, has He answered that prayer.

This weekend, I attended the E-Women Conference in Southaven-- an event that I've looked forward to for months and months since I bought my ticket way back when.  I had my own expectations for this event. I was excited to worship Jesus and spend time with the sweet ladies of CCC.  Little did I know, Christ began preparing me for the word He had for me at this conference long before this weekend.  On Friday, I prayed for His presence.... Spirit fall.... and it did.  He did.  He freed me from the stress and anxieties weighing on me and allowed me to worship Him with all of my heart, like never before.

This morning, I prayed for His presence... Spirit fall... and it did.  He did.  All.  Day.  Long.

The morning started off with Kasey Van Norman sharing a devotional, and right away, she said something that completely shook me.

"If God were to truly reveal how messy we really are and how magnificent He really is... it would wreck us!"

This became my prayer.  Reveal it, Jesus.   Spirit fall... and it did.  He did.

She went on in the devotional and later in her talk to explain the depth of the difference between Jesus as a concept and Jesus as a reality.  To define the difference of the two situations, she unpacked Luke 15 and the three parables found here.  God reinforced the desire He planted in my heart for His presence as a reality and not just a concept.  We serve a living Savior that intercedes for us at the right hand of the Father (Romans 8:34).  Because He lives, He is not a far away conceptual God that we just talk about, rather He is our living Lord, a reality, that has grace upon grace for us that tore the veil in His infinite, unbridled, unrelenting grace so that we could be His children and spend eternity praising His name.

When Kasey returned for her talk after lunch, she unpacked Isaiah 6:1-8.  Isaiah said "Woe to me!" then "Send me!"  He was confronted with the weight of his sin, and the infinite power and grace of God simultaneously.  As the seraphim touched his lips with the coal, He experienced the unmerited, unbridled grace of God.

"Unbridled grace comes after us when we have nothing to offer in return."

Oh the beauty of His grace.

Kasey shared her story of growing up in church and doing and saying all of the right things (sound familiar?).  You can watch her entire story here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caW0UXI4Eeo
Such a beautiful story of unmerited grace.

"For from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace." - John 1:16

Now that we have experienced this beautiful grace, it's up to us to share this amazing grace with all of those we come into contact with.  I'm done with comfortable closet Christianity.  I'm done with being a Christian because it's what everyone in the Bible belt does.  I'm done with hiding behind a keyboard or social media.  My Jesus has changed me, and I'll never be the same.  I'll never stop singing His praises.  All to Him I owe.

The final speaker of the conference, Lisa Harper, spoke on how we should be carriers of His grace and not just consumers of His grace.  Such a powerful difference there.  She spoke on Acts 17:1-9.  Verse 6 totally changed my perspective.

"And when they could not find them, they dragged Jason and some of the brothers before the city authorities, shouting, "These men who have turned the world upside down have come here also" - Acts 17:6

May I be so radically passionate about sharing the grace of Christ and the Gospel that I am accused of turning the world upside down for His glory and His alone!  That is now the earnest, heartfelt cry of my heart.

Spirit Fall.

Covered in His unbridled, unmerited, unwavering grace,
KG

Spirit of the Living God
Spirit of the Living God
We only want to hear Your voice.
We're hanging on every word.

From the broken to the broken..

So, I recently read a wonderful blog post challenging Christians to "Limp out loud" to share their struggles even in the church (gasp!) so that we could bear each other's burdens and lift each other up. Well, God has put this post on my heart for a while now, but I was afraid to put it out there. Divorce is an ugly subject. No one likes to talk about it. Especially not in a church. Everyone wants to pretend that it doesn't happen.  So often we go to church on Sunday's and we wear our masks of contentment, "joy", and happiness. And these masks might even be worn all day on Sunday, but when Monday morning hits, we are faced with the struggles all over again. So, God challenged me to take off the mask and limp out loud. And He did it in a way that I didn't expect. I felt called to share my testimony of the past year and all that God has taught me with a friend going through a divorce, so I did. As I was typing however, God spoke over me that He was not just calling me to a secret chat message but rather to share it on a broader scale for those who might be suffering in the silence.

So, here you go, from one broken vessel to another:

First, I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. I know firsthand that when time has passed and the people around you seem to forget about it is when it starts to hurt the most. Divorce is devastating. It is the single most heart-breaking thing that I've ever experienced. Your life is ripped out from under you and you're left to pick up the pieces. I know that you know this, but let me tell you some things that you may not know or that you might need to be reminded of. 

1) God is still sovereign. 

I struggled with the pain and the asking why. I didn't understand how something as ugly as divorce could have been part of God's plan. Until now. I don't think God caused it to happen. My selfishness did that. But I do think that God allowed it to happen because it totally changed me. It kicked me into a downward spiral to where I was left with only Jesus. It took all of that for me to finally understand the next point. 

2) Christ is enough. 

Christ is, always was, and always has been enough. When I was left with absolutely nothing else and I was wallowing in the pit, Christ was still extending His hand to me to pull me from the pit. He is enough for every second of every day. You could lose everything this world has to offer, and Christ would still be more than enough. 

3)  You are NOT defined by the divorce. 

After my divorce, I felt like I was marked. I felt like I was damaged goods that no one would want or want to associate with. I didn't think I belonged anywhere. I felt like my reputation was shattered. How could I teach students as a divorcee?  How could I step foot in a church again--especially a southern Baptist church?  I felt as if everyone around me, even strangers were judging me. They knew. They could see it. With every question, every whisper, every soft pat on the back, I felt more and more defined by what happened. It wasn't until I truly surrendered my life, and Christ changed my heart that I began to feel relief. No, it didn't go away all at once. I still struggled with it day in and day out. I prayed over it. Constantly. And one day in His steadfast love God whispered over me that the divorce, just like every other sin I have ever made and will ever make was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. It was and is covered in the blood. When God looks at me when I enter Heaven's gates, He will not see Kayla the divorced.  He will see me as His child through the blood of Jesus Christ. I did absolutely nothing to earn my salvation. Christ is the atoning sacrifice. Therefore, his blood has atoned, even for some this as devastating as divorce. 

4)  Happiness is possible. 

Right now, you feel the weight of the world. And you feel as if you'll never be happy again. You feel like nothing you could ever find would make you happy. But let me go back to point 2. You can find happiness and contentment in Christ alone. One of the biggest things that God has taught me through the past year is that I cannot base my happiness on worldly things or people. They will always disappoint. These worldly things shall pass away, but Christ is eternal. It wasn't until I was completely alone and I became completely content in Christ alone that He began to answer the prayers for friendships that I had prayed for for so long. 

Cry out to Jesus. 

I am no expert. I am no counselor. I am simply a formerly totally depraved sinner, bought with the price of Christ's sacrifice, and trying my best to live a life that is honoring to Him alone. 

These are just words on a page. Seek Him first. Always. 

-KG