Honduras Dreamin'

The last (almost) three weeks in Honduras have been life-changing in so many ways.  The Lord has challenged me, comforted me, strengthened me, and loved on me like never before.  I have experienced highs, and I have seen lows.  I have come to love this beautiful place-- the scenery, the kids, the missionaries-- all of it.  But, hands-down, the absolute best part of every bit of these three weeks has been sitting in silence calling out to God and seeing Him answer my prayers time after time through His Word or through things I see around me or through the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit inside of me.  The Lord is teaching me patience, perseverance, kindness, love, forgiveness, and so many more things.  I can't wait to share just a few of these with you all when I get back home!

Last night, we had a ranch family dinner with food, worship, and digging into the Word together.  We read part of Acts 7 aloud together, and we unpacked Steven's last speech before being stoned to death.  He spread the Gospel even to his very last breath.  Last night, as I sat in the circle and listened, I began processing the weight of Stephen's words and the testimony of his life and death.  I fell asleep thinking about it and praying through it.  At some point in the night, I began dreaming.  I had a dream last night that we were celebrating my birthday here in Honduras (which is in 11 days-- just in case you were counting down! 😉).  As we were celebrating, they told me it was traditional (in Honduras) for the person whose birthday it was to share what they wanted/hoped for/were praying for in their next year of life (probably not a true tradition-- it was a dream-- but I think it's cool nonetheless).  So, in my dream, I shared.  I remember vividly saying something along the lines of...

Looking back, I've lived my life for 27 years now in my comfort zone, and so many times for my own glory.  I've chased hard after the approval of man, and I've been so easily distracted by the world.  In so many ways, I feel like I have wasted (at least part) of my 27 years on earth in a comfortable, lethargic lull.  So, about year 28... What am I praying for?  I am praying that my life would count-- not for my own glory, but for His glory alone.  I am praying for openness to His plan for me-- wherever that road may lead.  I am praying for a willingness and a boldness to love and serve God and love and serve others wholeheartedly and selflessly.  I am praying that at the end of year 28, I could look back with confidence and say that this year was not wasted.  I am praying that on July 12, 2018, I could look back and say that I know Jesus more and that I have been transformed more into His likeness than I am today.  I could so very easily slide into pursuits of success and vanity, but they are all worthless in light of Jesus.  Luke 12:48 says, "Everyone to whom much was given, of him, much will be required..."  I have been given so very much.  I have been given grace upon grace, mercy, compassion, love, a beautiful life on earth, an incomparably beautiful promise of eternal life.  The open surrender of year 28, and 29, and 30 ... and 99... of my life pales in comparison to the sweet gifts the Lord has blessed me with.  So, I'm going to give everything I've got to know Him more and to follow Him all of my days 

Here's to the countdown to the end of year 27 and looking with joyful expectancy, excitement, and anticipation towards the work that the Lord will do in my life and in the lives of those around me in year 28!  He's already showing me that year 28 is going to be filled with "immeasurably more" than I could ever imagine!

Happy birthday month to me! 🎉🎉🎉

Interest of Conflict

I.  hate.  conflict.

You know how we all have two responses to conflict-- fight or flight?? Well, I'm flight all the way, all day long.  I'm not an aggressive person, and often, I see my passivity as a flaw because I tend to let people "walk over me."  I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've had many conversations with close friends about how I handle conflict and just processing through situations.  Through these conversations, I have found that my primary "coping mechanism" for conflict is just to avoid it at all costs, to retreat, to cower, to close myself off until the storm has passed and all has cooled down.

On the way to camp this week, I finished reading Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio, a book that I can honestly say the Lord used to change my view of conflict.  I have always viewed any person or any circumstance that I was in conflict with as Goliath, while I was David scrambling to find smooth stones for my slingshot and praying that the Lord would come through and help me win the battle.  However, this book totally changed my view of this story and opened my eyes to the radical victory and freedom found in Christ.  See, we are not David in this story... we are the Israelites cowering in fear for forty days and forty nights unable to move forward, unable to fight the victory, but, don't miss the most amazing part of the story... JESUS is David!  He is fighting for us, and the victory is won! With one smooth stone, He has taken down every giant that we will ever face in our lifetime.  Whether it's fear, rejection, comfort, anger, addiction, or any sub-category of these, He has defeated each and every giant!  So, in every battle, in every conflict, I don't have to cower in fear because He has already fought the battle for me, and (spoiler alert)  He WON!  A M E N.  This awesome news brought such peace to my heart! (Side note:  If you haven't read this book, run, don't walk, to the nearest book store or Amazon and grab it!  Seriously one of the most powerful books I've ever read.)

So, I went into this week P U M P E D to see all that the Lord was going to do in my life and in the lives of the students.  Throughout this week, we saw Him move in ways that I could never describe with words, but, if you catch me in person, ask me about it, I'd love to try!  However, even through all of the joy in worship, and digging into the Word, a small bit of conflict started to creep in.  Now, this was nothing major, and, for most, it probably would have been something that you sighed over and moved on, but, let me remind you from the beginning of this blog, conflict (more specifically the rejection I feel during conflict) was my giant.  So, with every little instance of conflict, I resorted to my coping mechanism and I tried to retreat more and more.  My first instinct was to just sit back, say nothing, and just hold it all in.  If I didn't say anything, then there would be no conflict, right?  However, every single time the issue arose again, I'd look for a place to hide, to run, and there was no place to be found.  (I love that the Lord loves us too much to let us simply run away from the battle and miss the fact that He has already won the war for us!)  I prayed through it, I talked peacefully through the conflict with the people that I needed to address it with, and I felt the Lord compel me to call on an ally, so I did, and she helped me by addressing the issue.  That was it.  Conflict resolved.  The small issue got better each day, and I saw the Lord move in such powerful ways among my group, not just in spite of the conflict, but through the conflict itself.  

Then, we come to Tuesday, beautiful day, powerful night of worship, powerful teaching, and we are celebrating the end of an amazing day with ice cream!  Talking with the girls, as we eat our ice cream, conflict creeps in.  Long story short, conflict unintended, uninvited, and uninitiated (by me or any of the girls) creeps up out of nowhere and boom... I'm taken out-- knocked down few notches.  Why were they rude?  What could I have done differently?  What did I miss?  I immediately begin to personalize every bit of the conflict, and the Enemy begins to creep in with lies of inadequacy, insufficiency, fear, and doubt.  I let the lies sink in, I retreat from the conflict, and I walk away.  Walking away doesn't make the conflict go away, and, honestly, it doesn't even make me feel any better, because the conflict, regardless of what's going on, goes with me.  It might not follow as an actual person, but it follows in my mind.  I laid awake Tuesday night unable to shake it.  It was lying in stillness and praying for a settling of my heart that I heard the Lord whisper tenderly... "Have you forgotten so quickly that I've already won the battle?  Peace.  Be still."  And just like that, the storm calmed, the raging waves were stilled, and there was peace in my heart once again.  He has defeated the giants of rejection and anxiety once and for all.

We roll on with the week, and we continue to see the Lord move in awesome ways, lives forever changed, students moving from death to life in Christ, and stories of rejection, fear, and disappointment being re-written by God every step of the way!  

Thursday night, before our last session, a group of leaders from Pinelake Oxford gathered to reserve seats and pray over the students before they entered.  We began to pray over our section and each chair, and, as we were praying, out of nowhere.... boom.  Conflict erupted.  It wasn't my conflict.  It wasn't my battle to fight (or run from), but, as it raged, I became more and more uncomfortable, and I wanted to retreat even from someone else's battle.  To put it simply, the end of the conflict was that we moved from our usual seats to seats higher in the arena.  After moving, we circled up to continue to pray for our students, as we did, the Lord brought this quote, spoken earlier in the week, to a leader's mind, "God is most glorified when we are most unified."  Whoa.  What a word to speak over the conflict that had erupted.  So, we unified, and we prayed with passion, with conviction, over our students.  We prayed for the Lord to move in worship.  We prayed for Him to move through His Word.  We prayed for life change.  We prayed for transformation.  We prayed for chains to fall.  We prayed for freedom.  Finally, we prayed for each student that Pinelake Oxford brought by name.  I'm not really sure how to put this in words, but I am going to do my best... Thursday night, we saw the Lord move in worship.  We saw Him move through His Word.  We saw life change.  We saw transformation.  We saw chains fall.  We saw freedom.  You see, it was the seats at the very top of the arena that allowed us to see the powerful work that the Lord was doing in the lives of so many students from around the country, and around the world!  It was the seats at the very top of the arena that allowed us to have extra space to worship with abandon, freedom, and no limits!  It was the seats at the very top of the arena that allowed me to capture these moments that will forever be in my heart!

And to think... we saw all of this happen because, instead of running and cowering in fear due to conflict, we brought it before the Lord, and, humbly, we trusted Him to fight our battle for us.  We trusted that what He had in store for the night was so much bigger than which section we were sitting in or our proximity to the stage, and IT WAS.  The Lord moved in section 218 Thursday night and brought freedom, salvation, and life, and I will never ever forget it.

This week was far more incredible than I could have ever imagined it would be.  We met the presence of the Jesus, and we will never ever be the same.  ❤️

What I've Learned -- Year Five

Five years.  I was told that after five years of teaching I would be much more comfortable in my classroom and that I would really feel like I knew what I was doing.  I'm still waiting on that day-- not quite there yet.  This teaching thing is tough, and every single day I learn more and more of what works and what doesn't work.  Last year, I started a tradition that I hope to continue through all of my years of teaching with an annual "What I've Learned" post to reflect on what worked, what didn't work, and what I've learned throughout the school year.  So, here it goes... What I've Learned-- Year Five:

1.  Teaching is not a 7:30-3:45...4....6 (whenever I actually pack up to go home) job.

So, you'd think that over the past 5 years I would have learned this already, and, in a sense, I have, but let me explain... In terms of paperwork, endless grading, lesson planning, etc., I learned during year one that teaching was far beyond a 40-hour a week job.  However, this year, I learned that my "off the clock" time is valuable, and, simply by choosing to spend the little free-time that I have getting to know my students through playing soccer, going to the movies, getting froyo, attending sporting events, etc., I can take steps toward becoming all that I want to be as a teacher.  Pardon the side-story but it's crazy relevant right here:  The day I knew that I wanted to become a teacher and exactly the type of teacher that I wanted to become was the day of my best friend's funeral visitation... I met my beloved English teacher Mrs. Gordon (or Donna G, as we affectionately called her -- never to her face of course ;) ) in the parking lot of the church.  She stopped in her tracks as she watched me walking towards her, and when I met her, she stood there saying nothing but with open arms.  She hugged me... not with a cheap little side hug, but with a genuine, warm, I love you and care about you hug.  She let me burst into tears on her shoulder, and she whispered that she was praying for me.  It was at this moment that I knew that one day when I had my own classroom, I was going to give everything that I had to try to become half the teacher, role model, care-taker, and friend that Mrs. Gordon was for us.  Somehow, in the chaos of shifting standards, changing schools, and all that is teaching middle school, this passion for loving my students where they're at with all that I have got lost in the shuffle.  In the name of personal time (which don't get me wrong is crazy important-- it's a balance) and "having a life," I shoved that vision to the side and did my own thing.  However, as this year progressed, the Lord gave me opportunity after opportunity to hang out with my students and to be there for them, and, giving up just a small amount of personal time had radical, transforming effects in my classroom.  So, I'll gladly give up one night a week to play soccer, or part of my spring break for a night hanging out with a girl that just needs out of the house, in the name of having my kids know without a doubt that I care and that I want them to succeed.

2.  Compartmentalizing your life is impossible-- and stressful.

I'm going to try my best to keep this one brief, but let me just say that this is by far the biggest, most life-changing, lesson that I've learned this year, and it started just a little over a year ago.  At Passion Camp last year, the Lord rocked my world and strongly convicted me with how I had so very carefully compartmentalized and only "allowed" Him into certain parts of my life.  Due to laws, fear, self-preservation, and uncertainty, I had been allowing Jesus full reign of almost every part of my life except my classroom.  At Passion Camp, the Lord gave me a vision of having my small group of high school girls in my own classroom-- what would change?  What would I do differently?  Could I be the same teacher that I was before?  The answer to that last question was an overwhelming NO.  I couldn't fly off the handle at the smallest thing due to stress, then teach them that the Word says to be "slow to anger".  I couldn't raise my voice or yell or "go off" on them, and then study the Word with them and remind them to "be kind and compassionate" to all.  It just wasn't possible... so, how was I going to square with that?  What was going to change?  I remember sitting down through worship that night and crying out to God surrendering my classroom, my identity as a teacher, and every part of me over to Him.  I couldn't live the double life.  I had to be authentic-- not in preaching to my students or even talking Bible to them-- but simply by being the same person that I was on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights in my classroom.  I prayed through this on the ride home from Passion-- praying that I wouldn't lose sight of the mighty work that He had done and that these lessons would flow into my classroom.  Then, we arrived back at the conference center and began to unload the bus.  As we did, Jody, the campus pastor of Pinelake-Oxford approached me with his classic smile and excitedly told me that I would be teaching his daughter this year!  Boom.  That was it.  That was my accountability.  That was my reminder.  CG (his daughter) was put in my first period class (tell me that's not a God thing) where I saw her sweet smiling face as a reminder that, honestly, at this point, it was completely impossible for me to live a double life.  CG served with me every Sunday morning in Pinelake Kids.  She was at student ministry every other Wednesday night.  I could no longer be wishy-washy.  I had to choose a side, choose an identity, choose a "life" and roll with it, and I chose love, I chose compassion, I chose patience.  That certainly doesn't mean that this year was perfect.  I still lost my cool, I still got frustrated, and I still probably freaked poor CG out some days, but one thing I am confident of is that allowing Jesus to change every part of me, including me as a teacher, is something that I will never, ever regret, and that I can say with the utmost confidence that has forever changed me as a teacher.

3.  Don't look to your students to change the classroom culture, you're the teacher, that's your job.

So often, I've looked to my students frustrated that my classroom didn't seem like a safe place or that they weren't working well collaboratively.  I decided that this was simply because of the hand I'd been dealt.  I couldn't do group work because I had "these kids" or that I couldn't do that activity with "that class."  Throughout this school year, I've learned that, as the teacher, I have the power privilege to manage and build the culture that allows and encourages collaboration and is a safe space for my students to express their ideas and opinions.  Every student, regardless of their family situation, their choices, their frustrations, or their baggage has the right to safe classroom environment where they can learn and explore mathematics.  Every child can learn when given the chance!  

4.  Don't be afraid to have fun!

This year, I started something called "Funny Friday" in my classroom.  Basically, "Funny Friday" is where I play a funny "Try Not to Laugh" Youtube video at the beginning of class.  The students watch the video and are challenged not to smile or laugh while watching the video.  I found that this time became majorly important to the kids.  It was a time in a very chaotic, usually test-filled day, where the students could sit in silence, and watch a feel-good, make-you-smile (even if you were called out) kind of video.  This is definitely a staple that I hope to continue in my classroom for years to come.  I also learned the power of laughing with my students and laughing at my mistakes.  Last year, I honestly was a grinch who saw laughing or playing as a sign of lack of focus and that students "only wanted to play"; however, this year, I've learned that these students need an outlet.  I can't imagine (well, I can bc I've been there but still) having to sit still and quiet for 8 hours a day and listen to someone talk to me about something that I don't really care about in the first place.  These kids need an outlet.  These kids need a safe place to smile and even laugh a little, and I hope my classroom can become that place!

5.  The more structure, the better.

I'm not going to say that I've fully mastered this one yet-- at all.  My personality is anything but structure.  I like the messy.  I like the unknown.  I like the go-with-the-flow moments.  I'm honestly not a big planner, and I love the spontaneity of a last minute change of plans.  To say that I've struggled in my classroom due to this personality trait over the past five years would be a huge understatement.  Lack of preparation and the middle school math classroom do not go hand in hand-- at all.  Middle schoolers like NEED structure.  When the world around them and the hormones within them seem to be going crazy, they need the constant; they need the consistent; they need the structure.  So, my classroom has to be a place where they know and understand what is expected of them and where they can fall into the routine.  Every year, I feel that I've taken one step closer to this structure. 

So, here's to year five-- the year of personal growth, spiritual growth, and professional growth!  I'm looking forward to year six with excitement and anticipation!  I have been given the crazy, awesome privilege of moving up to teach 8th grade next year, so I'm looking forward to seeing so many of the same smiling faces from this year all over again mixed with all new faces.  In the meantime, I'll be hanging in Honduras until school starts back!  OMS, I'll catch ya in August!

Redefining #Blessed

"Check out the new ride! #blessed"

"6-month anniversary dinner with bae! #blessed"

"Shopping.  #blessed"

"Committed to ..... University #blessed"

If you search Twitter or Instagram for #blessed, you will see everything ranging from selfies with friends, to food, to college commitments, to brand new cars.  Our culture seems to have a pretty consistent definition of what it means to be #blessed.  Unless I'm drastically mis-reading the millions of tweets and millions of pictures posted using this hashtag, #blessed seems to mean that you have what you want and/or need in life-- that you are happy.  However, if we dig a little deeper through the hashtags, if we look past the filters and the perfect lighting, is this really happiness?  Is this really contentment?  Or are we really searching for something so much deeper to fill the void that the #blessings have left gaping and empty?

I think that this is where society's definition of #blessed could use some refining and some redefining.  I was reading this morning in James 1, and I came across a verse that I couldn't shake.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. - James 1:12 (ESV)

Another translation (HCSB) says:

A man who endures trials is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Did you catch that?!  Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial.  If we are #blessed, by the world's definition, we shouldn't be facing a trial or a test in the first place, much less have to endure it.

Can you imagine these tweets?

"I was diagnosed with cancer today. #blessed"

"My husband wants a divorce. #blessed"

"I am drowning in a pit of depression.  #blessed"

Using the worldly definition of #blessed, we would think of these people as heartless or uncaring for celebrating things like this.  However, God so clearly clarifies that being blessed is not a matter of circumstances or having the "good" things in life.  No, on the contrary, being blessed is about knowing the One from whom all blessings flow.  (For further re-defining of #blessed check Matthew 5!)

James begins this same chapter with a similar exhortation to his readers:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing. - James 1:2 - 4

I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly used to seeing joy and trials in the same sentence.  To our worldly minds, it doesn't even make sense.  How can I be joyful in the midst of a storm?  James provides us with an answer to that question.  We can be joyful because we know that the testing of our faith is what strengthens it and draws us closer into the heart of God.

A wise pastor friend of mine says that all people are in one of three places.  He says that you are either in the middle of a storm now, you've just come out of a storm, or you're about to go through the storm.

As we face happiness and as we face storms, let's remember the One from whom all blessings flow, and let's remember just how truly #blessed we are.

-KG

Choosing to Trust

Obedience is not always easy, but it's always worth it.

Almost 18 months ago, the Lord began a journey in me, and, to be honest, at first, I wasn't really sure where this journey would lead.  From an orphan care follow-up meeting in 2015, to Matamoros, to the quiet whispers in the silence, time-after-time the Lord confirmed the road that He was calling me down.

During the Orphan Care Sunday service in November 2015, I prayerfully made a commitment to put my yes on the table-- wherever He calls, wherever He leads, I would go.  At the follow-up meeting immediately one specific trip jumped off the page.  However, the price tag of this trip overwhelmed me, so I tried my best to put it out of my mind.  Instead, I "settled" for an affordable trip to Matamoros in July 2016.  Little did I know that my "settling" is exactly what the Lord was using to prepare me step-by-step down the exact road that He was calling me to, and, despite my shortcomings, He's continued to prepare me each step of the way.

He has healed gaping wounds.  He has opened doors.  He has given me a love and a passion for teaching all students, and a new-found (since coming to Oxford) love and passion for teaching English Language Learners.  He has given me a passion for seeing His glory declared in all nations.    He has prepared my heart.

During the 2016 Orphan Care Sunday service (November 2016), the Lord clearly confirmed that He was calling me to teach in Honduras, but, at the time, I wasn't really sure what that meant or how that would play out.  Long story, short, over the next few weeks, as I prayed and processed through this calling, the Lord revealed the ministry He was calling me to work with, the children's home that He was calling me to, and the specific route that He had for me to take this summer.

On December 6, 2016, I applied for the program "just to see what would happen", and received a call for an interview less than 10 minutes after submitting a pre-application.  I went through an interview process, and, in January, things became official.

What began as a whim "I'd love to go... but..." is soon to become a reality.

This summer, I will be spending six weeks in Honduras serving at Rancho Ebenezer as an intern in their Summer Learning Fun Program!  Rancho Ebenezer is a children's home that provides a safe-haven for abused, neglected, and orphaned children in Honduras.  Although I have not been to the ranch, I have heard so many wonderful things about the work that the Lord is doing there, and I am ecstatic to be a small part of it this summer!

After accepting the call to spend my summer in Honduras, I wish that I could say that everything fell perfectly into place, and I never looked back.  However, in the spirit of being completely real and transparent, the past two months have been a roller coaster.  After my interviews, while I was in the waiting part of the process, the week before I left for Matamoros in December, my Papaw was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that is in both lungs, his brain, and his lymph nodes, and my step-dad, who has colon cancer, faced a very serious life-threatening surgery as well.  These circumstances forced me to come face-to-face with my fears and my anxieties.  I had to make a choice.  Will I choose to trust in spite of my feelings, or will I let my emotions, doubts, and fears dictate my willingness to obey?

This question kept me up at night, was always on my mind, and became the center of almost every conversation that I had.  I was stuck in the tension of grieving for my Papaw's diagnosis and celebrating the path the Lord was leading me towards.  Time and time again, week in and week out, I declared that my belief was louder than my doubt and that I believe that the Lord was and is still in control; however, as I received the next bit of bad news or dwelled on what the future might bring, doubt crept in again and my faith was found lacking... until yesterday.

Yesterday morning, the Lord spoke through Chip's message and confirmed what He had been whispering to my heart since Wednesday of last week.  The same God with the same power that raised Jesus Christ (and Lazarus) from the dead is still at work in you and I today.  God's chief concern is not my comfort in my circumstances.  His only two chief desires in our circumstances are His glory and the growing of our faith by which He is glorified.  It's all about His glory.  It's all for His glory-- even through the pain.  If my Papaw had not gotten sick, I can honestly say that my faith would not be nearly as strong as it is today.  I've prayed daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute for a miracle.  Whether that miracle comes on Earth or in Heaven, I know, without a doubt, that the Lord is sovereign, and He has not lost control for even a second.  God is alive, and His voice must be louder than my doubts, my fears, my disappointments, and my circumstances.  All of these points combined and culminated in a resolve that I will no longer life in the tension of doubt and faith.  I am choosing faith.  I am choosing to trust that no matter what comes my way before, during, or after this summer,  God is in control, and His ways are higher.

He is faithful, and He has not left for even a moment.

See ya this summer, Honduras!

(Fundraiser info (including t-shirts) coming SOON!  Stay tuned!)

Even When It Hurts

Life's not always rainbows and butterflies.

Truth is, sometimes the weight of the world is on you, and life hits you at full force.  From the demands of a full-time (literally full time job), to social expectations, to seasonal depression, to daily life stress, to family fears and worries... let's be honest, there's no nice way to put it-- sometimes life just sucks.

Lately has been my "sometimes"...  You know those times when people around you ask how you are, and your first instinct is to say, "I'm fine," but all that comes out is, "I'm okay" or "I'm surviving" --  That's life lately.

Although life has been a tad bit stressful lately, I have felt the nearness of the Lord like never before.  With each and every struggle, I've learned more and more about His character, His faithfulness, and His guidance.  When I have chosen to wallow in the valley, He has met me there.  He has pursued me, and day-by-day moment-by-moment He is drawing me out of the pit and seeing me through the storm.

Through this journey, the Lord has taught me and is still teaching me so many things.  I'm sharing a few of these learned lessons below for two reasons.  First, because I'm prone to wander and quick to forget, I am choosing to record these thoughts as a reminder of His faithfulness.  Also, I'm sharing these thoughts as a proclamation of His faithfulness for His glory, and in the hopes that someone reading this that might be walking through a valley or a storm of her own might connect with the One who calms the wind and the waves.

Here's what I'm learning lately:

1. It's okay to not be okay.
2. BUT it's not okay to stay there.
3. Sometimes admitting that you're not okay is the first step towards healing.
4. As your Creator, there's no one that can ever or will understand your thoughts, emotions, feelings, or fears better than God.
5. He speaks through His Word-- be willing and ready to listen.
6. As you listen and walk through the valley, be obedient-- regardless of how you feel in the moment.
7. Often the Lord uses the valleys to teach us more about Him, don't get so caught up in the hardship that you miss the lesson in front of you.
8. Don't isolate yourself. (Note:  If you're anything like me, this is hard.  Look at the community He has placed around you.  Be willing to reach out.  Let them love you.  Let them comfort you.  Let them speak truth into you, and be willing to listen.)
9. Trust.  He's not lost control even for a second.  His plans are better.  His ways are higher.  He calms the wind and waves; He's got this.
10. Even when it hurts, praise Him.  He is worthy.  You might not understand His ways or His thoughts-- praise Him anyway.  He is Lord; You are (and I am) not.

When you leave the valley or sit in the aftermath of the storm, don't for one second forget His faithfulness.  Remember it, record it, trust it, walk in it.  Let Him transform you.  Let Him mold you.  We serve such a good God.  To quote a childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands" -- that includes you, little one-- rest easy, He's got this.

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in your will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  - Philippians 1:6

"For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin." - Romans 14:23

"But the Lord is faithful.  He will establish you and guard you against the evil one."
- 2 Thessalonians 3:3

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4

A Different Kind of Christmas

The big question... Are YOU ready for Christmas?

It's been asked for weeks, and over and over my answer was, "no way!!"  Until yesterday, I'd only bought one gift.  I have no Christmas tree.  I have been listening to Christmas music... sometimes.  And to be honest, the thought of Christmas approaching made me more than a little nauseous.

I was reminded time and time again of the joy of the season when Christ was born.  I was reminded of the hope that the Messiah lying in a manger brought.  I clung to that joy.  I clung to that hope.  As the darkness of seasonal depression creeped up on me like a thief in the night, one by one each speck of joy, each glimmer of hope was shadowed by fear and anxiety.  I tried to fight back with joy.  I fought back in prayer and the Word.  I sought counsel from close friends.  I journaled.  I did everything in my power to get out of the funk.

It wasn't until early last Sunday morning, when I got a call at 3 a.m.  telling me that my (ex)step-dad (my 2nd Daddy) was being rushed to Memphis by ambulance and was given a 50/50 chance to make it out of surgery alive, that I began to snap out of my rut.  Driving from Oxford to Batesville to meet my family in the wee hours of the morning gave me time to cry, pray, and just sit in silence.  I begged and pleaded with the Lord for supernatural healing, peace, understanding, and hope.  As we sat in the hospital waiting room longing for answers, hoping for good news, I watched Pinelake's live service.  As I listened to Mike Breaux bring the Word on the Light of Joy in this Christmas season and how joy extends far beyond our circumstances.  "Contentment is the not the achievement of all that we want.  It's the realization of what we already have."  That's the key to joy in all circumstances--a deep contentment rooted in gratitude for all that Father has given, with the most precious gift coming over 2000 years ago as a baby that came to reconcile us to the Father.  That's it.

So, I was on the road out of the funk.  I was joyful.  We witnessed a healing miracle as doctors were left speechless when Tim came out of the surgery-- no vent, no external support helping him survive.  He was sustained by the power of Almighty God.  In his own words, "I guess this means I made it out alive."  That he did.  And we stand amazed-- all glory to God-- our Christmas miracle.

This was a launch pad out of the pit of fear and anxiety that I had fallen into.  I was on the journey to joy.

Enter Tuesday (11:30 a.m. to be exact)--- My dad calls me during school hours, which never happens, so I answer it.  I hear his voice shaking on the other end of the line.  I'm not really sure what all he said because the room started spinning, but what I do remember is Papaw, looks bad, rushing to ER, ambulance, sheriff escort, stroke?, fall, can't talk...  I was in shock.  Wait, you mean my healthy Papaw?  The one who is never sick, wanders all over Pearidge, and is one of the most down-to-earth men I know?  WHAT?  The shock turned to sadness as I processed what I believed was happening.  One of my sweet students happened to notice and began to tell me about her journey of her grandfather having a stroke and his recovery and also of her journey in losing her dad only a year ago and walking through that tough time in her life.  Immediately, my worries seemed so small as I talked with this precious little one about the hard journey she had walked to this point.  As school ended and I watched the joy of Christmas break flood the faces of my littles as they ran down the hallway, the news began to sink in again... What happened?  Would he be okay?  About an hour later, my sister called me.  She could barely talk through the tears... it wasn't a stroke.. No, it was much worse... Doctors found 5-6 tumors on my Papaw's brain.  One of the tumors was pressing against his left side and causing stroke-like symptoms.  Back to Memphis we drove, trailing an ambulance yet again-- uncertain of what's to come.  We arrive in Memphis.  The doctors repeat all the tests and find that there are multiple tumors all across my Papaw's body.  We still do not have a definitive diagnosis-- but doctors are leaning towards lung cancer that has spread to his brain.  Devastation.  Fear.  Anxiety.  Sadness.  Anger.  Pain.  So many emotions.

Let me be the very first to say that this is not at all how I envisioned Christmas this year.  From celebrating from hospital rooms to the stillness and deafening silence of a Christmas afternoon that has been spent with family for years and years... this years Christmas will be a different one.  I know I'm not alone in this feeling or these emotions.

If you are facing a different kind of Christmas this year yourself, let me offer these few words of encouragement that I have clung to this past week:

1)  CHOOSE JOY!

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy is a choice.  Like it or not, we do not choose our circumstances, but we can choose joy.  The Lord is sovereign, and He is good in all that He does.  We have to trust this.  No matter what life throws our way, each and every day, we must choose joy and choose contentment.  We must choose to live with an attitude of gratitude.  Regardless of our fickle and fleeting emotions, we trust that His ways are higher, and day by day, moment by moment, second by second, we have to choose JOY!

2)  FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

We are in a war--a real, raging war.  Battle by battle we fight on.  Satan lies, schemes, and attacks in real time over and over again.  We can either choose to believe the lies of the enemy and live in defeat, or we can choose to rise up with the strength of Christ and fight the battle.  This we know... He has WON the victory!  He's fighting for us.  He has overcome.  Trust that.  Walk in victory.

3)  TRUST.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Choosing joy and fighting the good fight are both rooted in trust.  HIs plans are higher, his ways are greater.  When the darkness has fallen and the outlook seems bleak, HE is the one with the last word.  Victory is HIS.  Trust that.  Call on Him, and He will answer.  Let Him wrap His loving arms around you through this season.

My hope is in the promise of Your blood,

My support within the raging flood,

Even in the tempest, I can sing

I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves

Holding fast to the promise of Your truth,

That You are holding tighter still to me.

This Christmas might be different in more way than I could have ever imagined, but this one thing remains.  Over 2000 years ago, a baby was born in a stable that changed the face of history.  Three hundred years of silence broken by the cry of a baby.  The promised Messiah had come.

JOY to the world!

Regardless of your circumstances, celebrate the King this Christmas!  He is worthy of every single broken hallelujah you can raise!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!